Bad Gas

This morning while working out, 20-minutes into my cardio, sweating like a pig and my heart pumping at 146 BPM, my attention unknowingly drifted from CNN to bad gas; no not the kind of bad gas you would expect this mess of a mixed bag to write about but gas of a different kind.

Have you ever gotten bad gas at a service station? I have and it seems I always do when I need a full tank. I'm not the patient kind so despite my better judgment to suffer through the poor performance until the tank is empty and start fresh and clean, I tend to top off the partial tank of bad gas with good gas after all-half good gas is better than all bad gas-right? This got me thinking about what makes me tick and what kind of man I am. Granted we can be our own worst critic and maybe that's OK sometimes.

I'm a mixed bag as I said. No doubt about it. There are things about me I would like to change and there are things I'm waiting on God to change IN me. Admittedly I've backslid a bit from where I was a couple of years ago and that's bothersome to me. My faith hasn't faltered but my behavior has a bit. Man do I feel naked right now. Admitting this I feel like I'm standing in front of all of you and publicly pulling my pants down.

I know there are issues with me that need attention. I've tried several times topping off my spiritual tank but all that does is leave me spiritually diluted at best. Can you identify with this? Do you also go through stages when you try to change things by simply topping off your tank and yet know deep down what you need to do is completely empty the tank of the things unpleasing to God and fill up with premium? For a long time I've let this be the reason for not "stepping it up" or answering a call. I struggle to answer because of my flaws realizing there are others more spiritually fit for certain tasks than me. I understand though-that God doesn't call perfect people to serve-I get that. If Peter isn't a good example of that then I don't know who is. God knows my heart. Yes I'm going to make Him cringe from time to time with my actions for sure. What I need to do is discern the things of the heart from those that are not, the good from the bad, the wholesome from unwholesome and begin to just tidy things up. Then maybe I can cease being my own worst enemy and begin to answer the call I've been letting go in one ear and out the other.

RESOLVE WHAT?

I’ve been thinking a lot about resolutions. In particular I think about our annual ritual of welcoming a new year with a personal sacrifice of some sort. Isn’t it something…this New Year’s resolution (NYR) thing? I mean-shouldn’t the act of a New Year’s resolution be renamed “Procrastinator’s Resolution” or “I Need a lame Excuse Resolution” or something similarly appropriate? I have often wondered why the “Great American Smoke Out” was not positioned in the first week of January. Who wants to attempt to quit smoking if it's not part of a New Year’s resolution anyway? It’s an attempt doomed to fail because of that. It’s funny how some people feel relief that they never “officially” declared anything as part of their NYR; “off the hook”. I think there would be a greater amount of success if people just did away with this whole NYR kind of thinking and just did things because it is the right thing at the right time at whatever time it happens to be. I think if a person needs the silly hand-holding contentment of a NYR in order to commit to something they have already failed before they even start because the motive is all screwed up. One other observation-why is it acceptable that facing our addictions can wait until it is NYR time yet our attitudes or other behavior are expected to be corrected at any time of the year? I think we need to get out of this ridiculous habit of falling into a trap of failure set up as part of this New Years resolution nonsense. If you think about it-the whole notion of a New Year’s resolution is right on the order of child’s play and perhaps if we want success in changing some things that we find undesirable in ourselves we should just grow up and deal with our issues like adults and leave the New Years resolution baby-games to children.