Last night as we were discussing various things in our life group and we briefly touched on divorce and the comment was made that divorce is often harder to go through than a death in the family. With a death you have closure but divorce has ongoing effect personally and peripherally. What came up was that divorce compared to other life crisis’ doesn’t seem to generate much support from an emotional standpoint. In essence, as Darcy put it, “nobody brings you a casserole when you are going through a divorce.”
One of the comforting things that happens when people go through tough times is you real friends show up-the ones that truly care. It really does matter when you’ve been hospitalized and return home knowing that friends are taking care of your meal plans for a short time. That certainly meets the physical need but it serves a psychological one as well. Unfortunately-this is not often the case when a friend is suffering through a divorce process. It’s interesting that we react to news of a spit up like “they’re splitting up…so sad”, or “those poor kids”, or “ he’s a jerk, it’s about time.” Then there is the comment from the “over-saved” friend “God’s not liking this!“ Well duh…
When it comes to a marriage in the midst of a split, we tend to comfort from a distance. Perhaps this is because divorce comes with more baggage than an illness and because there is a more long-term need for support mentally, relationally and even spiritually many of us will guard our distance. That’s sad because the fact is that these days more than half of all marriages end in divorce and in more cases than not, we will fail to respond in time to help save a friend from going through one. Perhaps it’s just easier (like going to a wake) to just bring a casserole after the fact and be done with it after all?
